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Examining Your
Viewpoint
The
last issue of the LifeBuilder talked about the stress of running an
Internet business and the toll it could take on families and marriages. I
would like to build on that thought a bit by considering how we relate to
our spouses. (Singles can tune out now unless you have a business partner,
in which case you should read on.)
Different Approaches
I recently came to realize that, after 35 years of marriage, I hadn't
really come to grips with the different ways my wife looks at things (yes,
I'm kind of slow!). The case at hand was how we plan and prepare for the
future. My approach is to concentrate on the things I can do that I am
sure will contribute toward the goal that I have in mind. Sounds
reasonable enough. But my wife, while not discounting the value of my
approach, looks at things somewhat differently. She likes to plan and
discuss goals that may never be realized, even if there are no means of
achieving any intermediate goals. I, on the other hand, see as a waste of
time efforts expended on goals that might prove to be completely
unattainable. Not that I'm not willing to tackle a project that's not a
sure thing; after all, I am trying to make an Internet business fly! But
in my view, her approach constitutes purely wishful thinking and gets in
the way of accomplishing something concrete.
Right Way?
Which of these ways is right? Mine, of course; was there any question?
Seriously, it is important to realize that neither approach by itself is
likely to be completely successful. Concentrating on the issues in front
of your nose is essential (and a male thing too, I might add), but without
a continuing vision of what might be attained, it is likely to degenerate
into crisis management. A long term vision without the determination to
conquer the issues right in front of you is a recipe for disaster, also.
Thus these approaches should be seen as mutually complementary.
Mutual Respect
Besides recognizing the value of considering and incorporating other
viewpoints, it is critical to recognize the damage to a relationship that
a rejection of the opposing viewpoint will cause. It is only human to feel
personally rejected when our viewpoint is belittled. Ending the discussion
by saying, "I'm the boss, so this is the way we do it" is common in the
corporate environment, but extremely destructive in a business
partnership, whether in a marriage or not. We should recognize not only
the necessity of incorporating the strengths of contrasting positions but
also the importance of not belittling the person holding those viewpoints.
When we learn to stop to consider how our words or attitudes are seen by
our partners, we have taken a big step in relationship building that will
bring benefits to both marriage and business.
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